


Tis the Season

by gongji



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Christmas, Gen, The Phantom Pain spoilers, only in terms of like Venom but yeah, that's it i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:34:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5536658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gongji/pseuds/gongji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas Eve and Big Boss is really excited for Santa's arrival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tis the Season

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for a request on the MGS kink meme, and it's Christmas so hey, how appropriate!

Twas the night before Christmas, and Big Boss was really excited.

“Alright everyone,” he’d announced to all the men and woman of Diamond Dogs earlier that day. “Tomorrow is Christmas, and it’s a really important day for all of us.” The giant Christmas tree behind him sparkled proudly, decorated with bright lights and cute ornaments, tinsel, small pictures of his favorite memories – it was expensive, having been shipped all the way from the States, but Kaz had approved the minute Snake had asked for it (“ _Don’t worry, Snake, I know a great place in Virginia. My dad bought a tree from there when I spent my first Christmas with him.”_ The men truly admired just what great lengths their commander would go to make the Boss happy).

“I hope you’ve all mailed your wish lists to Santa. I expect all of you to be in bed by midnight tonight!”

There was some confused shuffling, some murmuring in the crowd, along the lines of “Are you serious?” and “Santa??”

But the look on his face sent the universal message that Snake was, in fact, completely serious. “No exceptions! Or else Santa won’t come!” This was not a joke – Big Boss truly, wholeheartedly believed in Santa Claus.

Somewhere behind Snake, Kaz and Ocelot were standing on either side of Huey, stepping threateningly on each of his feet with varying pressure the very millisecond he even thought about laughing.

“You heard the Boss!” Kaz commanded in a booming voice, noticing the confused looks on everyone’s faces. “I expect all of you to be in your quarters by midnight!”

“Now go! Get outta here!” Ocelot continued, reinforcing the rule to make sure everyone was on the same page. The men scurried off to finish their work before midnight, and Snake’s lips curled upwards into a satisfied smile.

“I hope the tree is big enough to fit all the presents under, do you think we should leave out some milk and cookies too? I used to do that when I was younger.”

“Sure Boss, whatever you want.” Kaz replied with a smile. “Why don’t you go ask the chefs to bake some tonight?” Snake nodded curtly in agreement, and by the time he was out of sight, Kaz shot Ocelot an urgent, “I need to talk to you. Privately.” glance in his direction.

And that’s how Ocelot ended up in Kaz’s office, hesitantly holding an old Santa outfit in his hands, “You want me to _what_?”

“Put this on and deliver the presents tonight.”

“Okay, look, I admit I didn’t think this Santa thing would transfer over to Venom too, but isn’t this going a little too far?”

“No. Now that we know Venom believes in Santa too, we need to go all out.” Kaz sighed, sitting back in his chair, “I used to do this for Boss back in our MSF days…”

Ocelot leaned back on his heels. “You’re kidding.”

“No, look, Snake told me he’d get gifts under his tree every Christmas for as long as he could remember. Most likely his Boss. Didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.”

“…and then after ’64, they stopped coming.” Ocelot said slowly, instantly putting together the pieces.

“Yeah.” Kaz leaned forward again to rest his arm on the desk. “He’d been convinced that he was permanently on the…er… the ‘Naughty List’ after what he’d done, so Santa wouldn’t come. When he told me about all this I… well, it was just so _sad_ , I had to do something. So I… I bought the damn thing and every Christmas I’d wear it out to deliver gifts around MSF.”

“ _Every_ Christmas?”

“I mean yeah, it was… I mean, it ended up boosting staff morale too so I guess I didn’t mind spending some of our budget on socks and candy bars for the troops if it made Boss happy.” The look on Ocelot’s face was bordering incredulous, “Oh come on, don’t tell me you wouldn’t do that for Boss too!” 

Ocelot didn’t say anything (mostly because he didn’t want to give Kaz the satisfaction of being right), looking at Kaz and then back down at the Santa suit, as if contemplating.

Kaz continued. “I can’t do any of this now, he’d know the instant he sees Santa limping around with a crutch. So you’ll have to.”

“Fine, but did you get presents for everyone?”

“Yeah, all wrapped up in the extra warehouse and ready to be placed out. If Snake asks where the money went, just say we spent it on some holiday charity or something.”

“Tis the season.” Ocelot replied with a small smile, and then shrugged. “Alright, I’ll be off then.”

 

* * *

 

Midnight passed and Mother Base was dead silent, save for the slow tapping of Kaz’s cane as he tried to quietly maneuver his way over to the tree. Tucked under his arm was a special present, just for Boss (and truthfully, one for Ocelot too), that he wanted to place under the tree himself. Beside the tree was a small plate of chocolate chip cookies and a tall glass of milk – he should probably eat some if he wanted to leave evidence of Santa’s arrival. Kaz watches the string lights blink in a pattern around the tree, and a soft smile finds its way up onto his lips and takes him by surprise. It’s been years - he hadn’t done anything for Christmas since he and Snake were back in Costa Rica together. The last Christmas they spent together, in ’74, they had spent it on the beach, watching the sunset together, grilling some food for the soldiers. Paz had volunteered to entertain the men with a traditional song and dance that Kaz couldn’t remember the words to no matter how many times she’d told him, and Chico berated him every time he forgot (mostly likely to impress Paz, because as far as Kaz was concerned, Chico didn’t know any of the words either).

Kaz had gotten _really_ drunk that year. Amanda had whipped up an entire vat full of – what did she call it again? Rompope? And must have dumped the entire country’s worth of _guaro_ into it and more – it was delicious, which is probably why he drank more than he should have, but Kaz could barely remember a single thing from that night. What he does remember, however, is ending up in Cécile’s room ass naked with only his sunglasses and a giant red bow wrapped around his crotch, in an attempt to finally, _finally_ seduce her (or at the very least, get a few kisses out of it). What he got instead (after an embarrassingly drunken slur of “ _Joyeux Noël_ , _ma chérie_ , I’m your present~”) was Cécile forcefully dragging him down the hallway by the ear as he protested in pain, all the way to Snake’s room, where she slapped Kaz onto the ground and told Snake that she “Just received this gift and would like to make a return.”

Snake’s reply was to turn away, take a slow sip of rompope, and shrug. “Sorry, I don’t do returns without a receipt.” Kaz remembers muttering a low, “Wow, thanks guys,” and then blacked out on the floor.

Those were good memories. He hopes Cécile and Amanda are well.

Kaz had just placed the presents down when a pair of what seemed like headlights flashed on him like a spotlight. Startled, he shields his eyes from the bright assault – even with his sunglasses on it was way too much, and with his already sensitive eyes, the lights _burned_ into what he hoped was not the start of a migraine.

“Miller?” comes a familiar voice. The headlights turn off immediately, and Ocelot hops out of the… -- _what the hell_.

Kaz rubs his eyes and lifts up his shades just to see if he was seeing this correctly. Ocelot had arrived in one of the jeeps, decorated to look like a sleigh, overflowing with presents. At the front were at least seven goats the Boss had fultoned back to base a few weeks ago, all tied to the jeep like reindeer pulling the damn thing like Santa’s ride. “What the hell is this.”

“You like it? I trained them to do this in just a few hours.” Ocelot sounds way too proud of himself. “Leave the jeep on neutral gear and have them pull it, looks just like the real thing, doesn’t it?”

“Not at all.” Kaz pauses, and then looks Ocelot up and down. “What the hell is on your face?”

“A beard.” Ocelot strokes his fake white “beard” that looks like it had been hastily thrown together out of some leftover cotton balls and glue. “You make do with what you have. And look!” He extends his leg to show off the bells he had replaced his spurs with. “Jingle bells!”

‘ _You are getting way, way too into this,”_ is what Kaz wants to say, but he notices something is wrong. “Ocelot. Why aren’t you wearing the Santa suit.”

“Right. About that.” Ocelot shifts his stance and shrugs. His bell-spurs jingles. “I don’t know where it is.”

“What?!” Kaz yells, a bit louder than intended, and he forces himself to calm down. “What the hell Ocelot, I JUST gave that to you earlier today! How the hell did you already lose it?”

“I didn’t lose it.” The tone in Ocelot’s voice is serious, he’s telling the truth. “I remember exactly where I put it, but it’s not there. I don’t know where it went, someone must have taken it.”

“Who the _fuck_ wants an old Santa suit— I swear, if fucking _Huey_ is trying to sabotage this thing I’ll—“

“Miller, it’s okay. The way I see it, Snake doesn’t need to know. As long as we deliver the presents under the tree and get out of here before he wakes up, he won’t have to know.”

Kaz has to take a deep breath to calm himself down. It mostly works. “Fine. Okay, you’re right. Just get the damn things under the tree and get out of here.”

Ocelot and Kaz both take turns shoving hundreds of small gifts under the tree, taking a break only to snack on the cookies left for “Santa” halfway through (and another time to argue, because damn it Ocelot wasn’t placing them right and _damn it_ Kaz wasn’t moving fast enough, and _damn it be quieter and damn it what did you just say—say that to my face and I’ll--!!!_ ). By the time the task was done, it was nearly light out, and they were absolutely exhausted.

“Job well done, I guess.” Kaz stretches and yawns, his entire body is sore from limping around all night, so he sits up against the wall and leans back.

“Yeah.” Ocelot yawns immediately afterwards, sitting beside him to admire their handiwork. “Not bad…”

“Should go… back…” Kaz’s words slurs together in his exhaustion, there was no way he’d fall asleep here, he had to go back to his room before Boss woke up, but…

Ocelot’s words slur too. “And sleep…” He tries to move, or at least, thinks he tried to move, but he’s tired and falls right back down besides Kaz.

“Gotta…go…” Before either of them could try again, they were leaning against each other and sound asleep against the wall.

They weren’t sure how much time had passed (perhaps not much, the sun had barely come up) before a loud voice jolts them both awake. “Kaz! Ocelot! What are you doing?”

Snake stands in front of them, still in his pajamas, looking betrayed. “Why are you both here? I told you to sleep or else Santa won’t come!”

The two of them frantically scavenge for a reply, speaking over each other so quickly, Snake can barely make out a single word from either of them. “No, no Boss it’s okay, look, he came!” They both turn to point at the tree, “Look, he came, there are presents and – what?”

Beneath the tree were presents, the ones Kaz and Ocelot had spent time putting together, as well as an entirely new, giant pile of different ones of varying sizes. The smile of Snake’s face is immediate, large and contagious -- Kaz and Ocelot find themselves smiling through their complete confusion. Kaz glances at Ocelot as if to ask, “do you know??” Ocelot shakes his head slowly.

When the men wake up and check on the tree, Mother Base erupts into a festive roar as soldiers hurry to unwrap their new gifts. There were socks and candy from Kaz and Ocelot’s contribution, sure, but also individualized gifts of, apparently, something they’d been wishing for. Tape cassettes, new clothes, engraved handguns, pin up posters, fresh fruit, tasty treats for DD, a new rifle for Quiet… Kaz and Ocelot are too confused to move, and opt for watching their soldiers enjoy their newfound gifts instead.

“Look! Up there!” Someone’s voice rings out from the crowd. “Is that--??”

Everyone looks up, and sure enough, something (someone?) is flying through the sky. It’s too far away to see what exactly was flying for sure, but Kaz can just almost make out the signature Santa suit he’d purchased in Costa Rica so long ago.

So that’s where it went.

He’d been about to say something when a horrified scream comes from the direction of Huey’s lab. Snake and Ocelot take off immediately (leaving poor Kaz to struggle by himself to stand back up again, “Hey!!”) By the time either of them make it over there (Snake with his gun at the ready, just in case), Huey is already a distraught mess on the floor.

“What? What is it?” Kaz huffs, limping over as soon as he could, to see Snake and Ocelot struggling to stay calm in a fit of laughter with Huey looking utterly defeated on the ground.

And then he saw it.

Huey’s lab is filled completely to the brim with coal. There isn’t even a way inside the lab anymore, coal is pouring out of the door and rolling onto the ground. Huey must have tried, because the black rocks were making a mess everywhere ( _Stupid man must have grabbed it from the bottom in his panic and caused an avalanche_ , Kaz thinks). Every inch and corner is completely stuffed with coal and god it is _hilarious_.

And for the first time in a while, as Huey wails from his spot on the ground lamenting the state of his lab, Kaz laughs.

Maybe this would turn out to be a successful Christmas after all.

 

* * *

 

Elsewhere, much later, in his room, Pequod takes off the Santa suit with an accomplished smile.

“Merry Christmas, Boss.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I know the Peace Walker Incident was probably all over and done with before Christmas '74 but it's okay, let's pretend everything was happy.
> 
> Also if you're wondering what Kaz's gift for Ocelot is, it's probably catnip.


End file.
